Skip to main content

This Close to Happy (by Daphne Merkin)

Similar to the main character in the story, I met depression quite early in my life. It was unplanned, although my mother realized it at the onset of its development and blamed herself for not protecting me enough. She suggested seeking a psychiatrist but I persisted that it'll go away. Stubborn as I always am, for quite a while, it's gone. I made myself busy and was left with no more energy to feel depressed or hear those voices that call me back to depression. It was merely running away from it.

The stigma surrounding depression is never a pleasant one. Society was not as forgiving last time - I don't think even now they do. People who are not depressed are not able to understand that feeling of extreme emptiness - unfillable by anything from this world, or another world. Society finds these sufferers unbelieveably ungrateful with the life they've been blessed with. But it has nothing to do with that. It's just there, it doesn't want to leave, our past insecurities are meant to feed and raise it to be a monster. We didn't intentionally do it, it just..appears.

I'm not actually sure if I'm completely done with depression, if you'd ask. It fancies visiting me from time to time - pretty hard to ward off. It was as if it's attracted to me and I was fairly attracted to it, in a way we both couldn't really describe. It would appear unexpectedly timely - seems to serve as a reminder when I'm on cloud nine where everything was going right, or when everything was not going according to plan. It would accompany me and pull me from further harm inflicted by people around me. Left alone, it pulls me further till I found myself lost and alone.

Daphne brilliantly depicts every single ounce of emotion which stirs during those moments, what contributes to it, how did the main character deals with it - all the effort to recognize the build-up and to take preventive measure before it buries its claws deep into the flesh of the thoughts. Not only it helps non-sufferers understand how people with depression feel, it helps real sufferers rationalize their 'condition' and handle it before it handles them.

I'll say that you need to know what you are fighting and Daphne, through her story, makes that easier for anybody to understand.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Virginity Fraud

2 myths of women's sexuality:
1) First time of sexual intercourse is marked by bleeding
2) Hymen will break and be gone foreverThe 2 women, Nina Dølvik Brochmann and Ellen Støkken Dahl, are medical students and authors of The Wonder Down Under, easily demyths the 2 centuries-old belief in their recent sexual education TED Talk: https://youtu.be/fBQnQTkhsq4Briefly, turned out that hymens come at different shapes and sizes, i.e. stretchable, with small, many holes, or large holes in the middle, which makes it impossible to be a measure of women's virginity. How to make a measure out of something that is not a constant? If it is stretchable or sufficiently spacious to allow penis to penetrate through, it doesn't have to break and bleed, and remarked that a woman is still a virgin. Medical professionals have known these for many centuries, but the myths are still prevalent in the societies. Why are these facts not highly publicized? Because it is being used to surpress women i…

2017 Lessons

Receiving the feedback from my boss and my mentor was easy - they are all very positive. Those that are not, they have been work in progress. But I'm going to push my limit further - I'm still not satisfied with where I am now. A few learning points for 2017 (which haven't ended yet - I might have an update) below, however:1) Never be afraid to speak up - be it on a new, more efficient approach on doing things (ofc, research them well first before presenting it), be it saying no and pushing things away (due to lack of capacity and inevitable compromises of quality), be it asking for help (you'll be surprised on how people are happy if you ask for their help as they feel that they're worth much more than they think of themselves). You need to speak up to get what you want. Nobody can read your mind and nobody will know what you want unless you say it out loud. 
Moving forward: Learn to be more tactful. Learn to speak with confidence in front of a few more people th…

Working Tips

Growing up is growing pains. Hurts, but it's necessary to go through. When I first started working, the transition was hard, but I learnt a lot. Here are 3 lessons I found the most invaluable till now. 1) Setting expectations too high. It's true that in order to shine we have to give a 100%, but often times, when we were still young and energetic, we overestimated our measure of 100%. It is usually our 120-150%. Giving this overpowering 100% everyday is not sustainable - eventually you'll reach a burnout point. Reduce what you thought is 100%, not so much, but enough for you to do your job well, make your supervisor happy, and sustain for a much longer period of time. 2) Smile. An often underestimated value in the workplace. Everybody loves people who always smile to them, acknowledging their presence instead of ignoring them. You don't necessarily have to greet them cheerily and ask them sincerely how are they doing (although this is a super good time to practice the …